How Can You Be More Sexually Open and Available as a Man?

Our penises are so damned mysterious, aren’t they? How our genitals work—or don’t work—fascinates, scares, and confuses us. We are terrified that we are not masculine enough, hard enough, big enough, last long enough, or “hetero” enough. We take substances to get or maintain a hard-on. We rely on other substances to put us in the mood or calm us down. We masturbate addictively or don’t masturbate at all, due to the many messages we received as children. We have affairs with men and women, watch porn secretly, brag to other men about our supposed sexual conquests, perhaps become asexual completely, and never, ever, speak authentically about our sexual selves. Why?

Very few of us have had the benefit of being raised with a healthy attitude toward sex. We often hide or suppress our base instincts. However, when we do that, we can act out in destructive, hurtful ways such as sexual abuse of children, overuse of porn, self-abuse, and prostitution.

Our goal is to open up a conversation with men about our sexuality that is sacred, honest, loving, and authentic. We want to learn how to build authentic and healthy sexuality, yet there isn’t a subject more fraught with difficulty, pitfalls, and shame for us men than sexuality.

So, how do we men get beyond our macho BS and our shame to embrace healthy, pleasurable sexuality?  One wonderful way, I believe, is to fully embrace the “Declaration of Male Sexual Rights” created by Leonard Szymczak & myself:

Men have the right to:

1. Be inherently sexual, erotic beings who embrace our healthy sexuality, no matter our age or orientation.
2. Feel safe in sexual relationships.
3. Connect our sexuality with our hearts and souls.
4. Receive joy, aliveness, and connection from authentic sexual expression.
5. Freely explore our own truths about our sexual expression, what turns us on and what is playful, fun, and erotic between consenting adults.
6. Need other men with whom we can openly share our thoughts and feelings about sexual problems, pain, issues, joys, or passions.
7. Create a strong, heartfelt sexual connection with ourselves which makes our connection with our partners more fulfilling and resilient.
8. Be celibate or asexual without shame.

We urge all men to fully embrace these inalienable sexual rights. This work can take a lifetime—but it requires support.  We men need a safer, braver, and non-judgmental place to speak about our sexuality with other men. Using our Declaration of Male Sexual Rights as a basis for exploration is a great way to start!